Thursday, August 2, 2018

O God, you are my God

O God, you are my God;
I will seek you eagerly.
My heart thirsts for you,
my body longs for you
in a land parched and exhausted,
where no water can be found.
 I used to contemplate you in the sanctuary,
seeing your power and glory; ~ Psalm 63:1-2 (CJB)

The desperation of needing air when you feel like you are drowning has been a month long experience for me. Some days it is the physical pain and some days it is the emotional and mental pain. Every day I woke up feeling sick to my stomach and longing for better. I worried and wondered what could be going on. I didn't want to share it with anyone or let on that something was wrong. How many times do we do this? Pretend we are okay and that we can do it all on our own. 

In my want to disappear, sleep for days, or just wallow in the sadness. I cried out to God. I fell into His Word instead of into the hole of despair. I finally opened my mouth and asked for help, asked for prayers. What I was longing for was for His peace, rest, and strength. But just like when we want to fill a void we believe we need something else, something we deem as better than falling into His comforting arms. So we search and we come up empty each time. We may find a moment of fulfillment in lashing out, being irritable, indulging in too much food, or even in just pretending that we can do it all on our own. Just like sugar, we get the immediate high and then the crash. 

for your grace is better than life.
My lips will worship you.
Yes, I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands. ~Psalm 63:3-4 (CJB)

I remembered David and the Psalms. So I opened my bible and let it fall to a Psalm. Oh! How timely Psalm 63 was for me to today and I hope it blesses you as well. Everything that God is, is what we need! In every moment, the hard ones and the easy ones, He has what we need to make it through. 

 I am as satisfied as with rich food;
my mouth praises you with joy on my lips
when I remember you on my bed
and meditate on you in the night watches.~Psalm 63: 5-6

Those days when I could do no more than lay in bed, sometimes sit in bed. I praised Him through song. Those days when I had to force myself to get up and get dressed, I praise Him for the strength to move. Those days I was able to leave my house and get things done, I praised Him for the ability to handle the days events. I praised Him for those people I met along the way and those who I spent time with. I had to look hard for that beauty and I had to force those praises through most of those days. But it made the days just a bit easier. 

 For you have been my help;
in the shadow of your wings I rejoice;
 my heart clings to you;
your right hand supports me.~Psalm 63:7-8

Have you seen His hand in those hard days? Have you been able to rejoice in the shadow of His wings? Oh how wonderful to have our heart cling to Him! He knows us so intimately that He is the only one that can provide the right thing for our needs. Even if that is just the strength to endure. Even if we don't understand understand it and can't fathom the reason why, "why me?" He knows, He feels our pain, and He will give us what we need to run the race and endure to the day we will receive out crown of eternal life.

But those who seek to destroy my life —
may they go to the lowest parts of the earth.
11 May they be given over to the power of the sword;
may they become prey for jackals. ~Psalm 63:9-10

We have a very real enemy and the unfortunate truth is that he will use anyone he can to bring us pain and make us feel that we are worthless. The enemy is a liar! Those moments when we hear his whispers in our ears saying we are never going to make it through or that God doesn't really loves us because if he did we wouldn't have to go through hardships. Such horrible lies! We must be vigilant and aware of the enemies tactics. It is hard to hear those whispers and overcome them. That is why it is so important that we cry out to God and talk to those we can trust who will pray for us and speak truth to us. 

But the king will rejoice in God.
Everyone who swears by him will exult,
for the mouths of liars will be silenced.~Psalm 63:11

Let us rejoice in God! Let us rest in His arms and know that He will provide a way when we see no way. He will guide us through our journey if we just allow Him to. He will carry us through the hard times if we just cry out to Him. When we focus our lives on Him the mouths of the liars will be silenced. We won't hear those whispers of the enemy so loudly. Instead we will hear God's voice saying, " I love you. You are enough, you are my beautiful child and I will take care of you, come to me."

Who's words will you live by? God's or the devils? Who will you trust when you feel like you are drowning and can't breathe? I hope that we can all say that we will trust and cry out to God in those times. I hope that we can all say that we will find a trusted person to talk to, to pray with us, and to tell us the truth even when it is hard to hear.

I hope you are having a wonderful day! In God's Love, Crissy

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